Important 2016 Thoughts: Part 2

Standard

I suppose this is both 2015 and 2016 thoughts. I’ve been thinking a lot about both, as I am want to do. I have been thinking about what I did well and what I want to do better and what surprised me.

success

As far as my goals last year, I had a number and I’m not going to go through them all again. Suffice to say I did pretty well. My FitBit broke like halfway through the year unfortunately, and I never bothered to replace it, but it was actually quite motivating for the first half of the year. I read more than I expected to, I watched 435 movies, which I am super proud of. I got my application in for grad school.

I in general was pretty mentally stable this year, which was certainly a pleasant surprise. I had no more than a handful of depressed days in the whole year, which was pretty wonderful. But even more than that I think the best part was realizing I was much more capable of dealing with those than I ever have been. I knew what was happening and what I needed. I was very aware that it was about me, although if someone said something to add to it I was generally comfortable responding to that. I felt centered and not in dire need of attention and response like I used to. I think that was more comforting to me than the pretty few days. After all, even if I was hit by something more severe at some point (always a possibility), it’s a comfort to feel like my responses are more manageable on some level.

Brain

This is my brain! Just like that!

I asked David what he thought I did well this year and he said that our communication had gotten a lot better (definitely true) and that once upon a time, he and the Superhero would most definitely never have considered having me move in with them, and now they’re totally good with it. So I must be doing something right. Hooray!

It’s nice to feel like I’m progressing, although I question if that’s the word I want. Centering? Sometimes I do feel like I’m making definite progress in a forward sense but often, when it comes to things like this, it feels more like a settling and removal process of some kind. Either way, it’s nice.

For 2016, I have thoughts but I feel a little stuck at the moment. It is hard for me not having any idea what things will look like for me this time next year. Will I be in grad school? Or will I be crossing my fingers for my application again? I have a hard time making plans when that decision could alter a lot, even though it doesn’t really change that much of the fundamentals of my life. I just really like plans.

Planning person

Little known fact: I am actually a creepy little computer person…

In a general sense, I do have some ideas. I have created a finance spreadsheet for the year. I’ve really never tracked my finances before and although I’m not yet ready to budget as such, I think it’ll be good for me to see what’s happening to the money. So that’s a thing I’m going to try to keep on top of.

I am going to try to go for a 30 minute walk most days. My idea of activity is always weird but I’ve been googling things and it seems that if I was to do that most days, I would meet the advised activity for an adult. Whatever that means. I don’t trust ANYTHING TO DO WITH FITNESS. But. Still. I did intend for it to be unrelated to things like walking across campus (even though that is solidly 20 to 25 minutes) but today that’s what I ended up doing. We will see how it goes. In theory, there is no day that I cannot fit a 30 minute walk in, the question is whether or not I will.

Pug

But my goal is to turn into a curious pug when I grow up.

I want to try to foster more curiosity in my life. This is sort-of a weird one, and I have thought about it a lot over the last few years. One of the things that I noticed last year was that I started googling things. Like a lot of things, random things. I wanted to follow the news and I didn’t know how and I said, “How do I follow the news?” It turned out that not only had many people asked that before me, but many people had written articles trying to answer this very question. I picked out a couple of things and now, while I will never be as on top of things as I wish I was, I am absolutely more aware of the headlines and tenor of what is happening than I was before.

Christians are not, as a general rule, encouraged to ask questions. They are encouraged to have the answers. Particularly when you were raised the way I was. When I am in a situation in school where I am encouraged to think of questions, I consistently draw a complete blank. I was not taught to ask questions and I’m not good at thinking in that way. So essentially what I have started doing is using the internet in this way. Anytime ANYTHING comes to my mind that I’m curious about, I google it. Not only does this reinforce asking questions in my brain (at least I hope it does — I feel like I have noticed a difference) but I weirdly feel better when I ask something and Google autofinishes my question. It is affirming to know that many other people have asked the same things.

Google searches

Of course, some Google searches are NOT affirming…

So this year I want to be more curious. I want to be more open in this blog. I want to work hard and play hard and have a very good year, whether or not I get into grad school. But I still would really, really, really like to get into grad school.

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