I suppose this is both 2015 and 2016 thoughts. I’ve been thinking a lot about both, as I am want to do. I have been thinking about what I did well and what I want to do better and what surprised me.
As far as my goals last year, I had a number and I’m not going to go through them all again. Suffice to say I did pretty well. My FitBit broke like halfway through the year unfortunately, and I never bothered to replace it, but it was actually quite motivating for the first half of the year. I read more than I expected to, I watched 435 movies, which I am super proud of. I got my application in for grad school.
I in general was pretty mentally stable this year, which was certainly a pleasant surprise. I had no more than a handful of depressed days in the whole year, which was pretty wonderful. But even more than that I think the best part was realizing I was much more capable of dealing with those than I ever have been. I knew what was happening and what I needed. I was very aware that it was about me, although if someone said something to add to it I was generally comfortable responding to that. I felt centered and not in dire need of attention and response like I used to. I think that was more comforting to me than the pretty few days. After all, even if I was hit by something more severe at some point (always a possibility), it’s a comfort to feel like my responses are more manageable on some level.
I asked David what he thought I did well this year and he said that our communication had gotten a lot better (definitely true) and that once upon a time, he and the Superhero would most definitely never have considered having me move in with them, and now they’re totally good with it. So I must be doing something right. Hooray!
It’s nice to feel like I’m progressing, although I question if that’s the word I want. Centering? Sometimes I do feel like I’m making definite progress in a forward sense but often, when it comes to things like this, it feels more like a settling and removal process of some kind. Either way, it’s nice.
For 2016, I have thoughts but I feel a little stuck at the moment. It is hard for me not having any idea what things will look like for me this time next year. Will I be in grad school? Or will I be crossing my fingers for my application again? I have a hard time making plans when that decision could alter a lot, even though it doesn’t really change that much of the fundamentals of my life. I just really like plans.
In a general sense, I do have some ideas. I have created a finance spreadsheet for the year. I’ve really never tracked my finances before and although I’m not yet ready to budget as such, I think it’ll be good for me to see what’s happening to the money. So that’s a thing I’m going to try to keep on top of.
I am going to try to go for a 30 minute walk most days. My idea of activity is always weird but I’ve been googling things and it seems that if I was to do that most days, I would meet the advised activity for an adult. Whatever that means. I don’t trust ANYTHING TO DO WITH FITNESS. But. Still. I did intend for it to be unrelated to things like walking across campus (even though that is solidly 20 to 25 minutes) but today that’s what I ended up doing. We will see how it goes. In theory, there is no day that I cannot fit a 30 minute walk in, the question is whether or not I will.
I want to try to foster more curiosity in my life. This is sort-of a weird one, and I have thought about it a lot over the last few years. One of the things that I noticed last year was that I started googling things. Like a lot of things, random things. I wanted to follow the news and I didn’t know how and I said, “How do I follow the news?” It turned out that not only had many people asked that before me, but many people had written articles trying to answer this very question. I picked out a couple of things and now, while I will never be as on top of things as I wish I was, I am absolutely more aware of the headlines and tenor of what is happening than I was before.
Christians are not, as a general rule, encouraged to ask questions. They are encouraged to have the answers. Particularly when you were raised the way I was. When I am in a situation in school where I am encouraged to think of questions, I consistently draw a complete blank. I was not taught to ask questions and I’m not good at thinking in that way. So essentially what I have started doing is using the internet in this way. Anytime ANYTHING comes to my mind that I’m curious about, I google it. Not only does this reinforce asking questions in my brain (at least I hope it does — I feel like I have noticed a difference) but I weirdly feel better when I ask something and Google autofinishes my question. It is affirming to know that many other people have asked the same things.
So this year I want to be more curious. I want to be more open in this blog. I want to work hard and play hard and have a very good year, whether or not I get into grad school. But I still would really, really, really like to get into grad school.