Dear Baby Me: March 25, 1997

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Dear Steve,
Since I last wrote to you a lot has happened. First of all on Tuesday the 18th Ashley came home from the hospital. Also on Tuesday night she ran away. She also conned Dylan, Brandy, and Charlie into running away with her. Charlie got seperated from them and couldn’t find them again. So he went home. But Ashley, Dylan and Brandy kept running. They ran every time they saw a car or a person. Dylan told his dad later that the minute they started running from that first car, he knew he was doing wrong, but he didn’t know how to get out of it. They had the whole neighborhood and the police out looking for them. Someone finally found them and brought them home around 12:30pm. Also I found out something terrible about (friend). For the past week or so he’s been sexually abusing his sisters. I couldn’t believe it when (friend) told me. As much as I hate to admit it I really care about (friend) as a friend and mabye a little bit as a brother. And yes, I’ve flirted with him and at one time had a crush on him. I didn’t want to believe it when (friend) told me. I don’t think badly of (friend), I just feel sorry for him. I can’t really explain it. I’ve never prayed so hard in my life as I did that night. I asked God for peace so that I could go to sleep and you know what? It worked! I immediately began to think of the song “Rest Easy” by Audio Adrenaline. I sang the chorus over and over in my head and it helped me go to sleep. I feel so sorry for (siblings). I mean they are so young and they’ve already lost their virginity. Worst of all (friend) won’t admit what he’s doing to his mom or dad. He lies outright about it. They know it’s true, they wouldn’t make up something like that. They don’t even  know what sex is. But he won’t admit it. You know Steve I never thought I’d run into so many problems as I grew older. (friend) almost being molested, Ashely’s problems in general, and now this. Getting older isn’t really fun. It’s hard. I’m getting a cramp in my hand so I’d better stop now. I’ll write more next time. I heart ya! I wish you were real.
Love Meg

Dear Baby Me,

This is a tough one. I guess we’ll start with the story about Ashley. Looking at it now, I know that almost everything you are saying is straight from your mom. I remember her telling you this story. Again, I’m not sure how much of this Ashley actually told you. But phrases like “she conned” her friends into running away with her, those are all on your mom. In retrospect…. she just got out of the hospital and is back in a bad home situation. Who knows what was going on. Your empathy is not the best.

Now, the second piece. Which obviously required some redactions because these are real people and those are not things you post on the internet publicly. But I will say that this is a really difficult situation and your reaction is… concerning. Why aren’t you more upset with him? Why do you only feel sorry for him? He will stay in that house, which is… not great.

Also I would like to be very clear about something. Whatever happened (and you do not know details, but it doesn’t matter), your understanding of virginity is all wrong. Most of all because it really doesn’t matter. I can assure you that the reason to feel upset about this situation is not because they have lost their “virginity.”  Everything you have been taught about that is incredibly, incredibly wrong. And someday you will realize that.

I promise that growing up is actually pretty great in the long run. But it’s going to be a pretty long walk till it gets to the good part. Sorry about that.

Love, Me

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