Monday I went to a babysitters class. It was 8 hours! It’s not fun to have to sit for 8 hours. But although I’d never admit this to mom (pride thing you know) it was a little bit fun. I’ve been considering writing a note to Jeff and leaving it on his pew. It would go something like this: Dear Jeff, You’re kind-of cute but Devon Sawa and Anthony Esquilez are cuter. And no matter what you say you’re not such a hot carpetball player either. From a kid. P.S. Who am I? I dare you to find out. What do you think Steve? I’m going to go over the idea with Kim. Maybe tailor the letter a little. You see it refers to an incedent about 3 or 4 months back. Jeff was talking about how good he was and how a little kid could never beat him and I said well that depends do you consider me a little kid and he said yeah and I said well I’ve beat you. He just said oh shut up. I remember that but I doubt he does. Well, we’ll see. Heart ya! Gotta go!
Dear Baby Me,
Okay, first things first. Why was babysitting class fun? Like seriously, I feel like this is indicative of just how genuinely sad your life was. That 8 hours sitting in a class was fun in comparison to the nothing you were generally doing. Really, you might have done well in school. Sheesh.
Now, onto the more important point. I… I can’t even. I am so glad you never sent this insane note that you have in your head. Like it’s super creepy. Signing something “a kid” is not cute or flirtatious. Even if he did remember the incident. Which, by the way, was also not cute or flirtatious. I am so fascinated that this reads as flirting to you. Like… it’s not. I am just so relieved that you did not quite have the guts to do this insane thing.
Also it is interesting that you feel it is a solid technique to any boy’s heart is to insult him and tell him that other boys are more attractive than him. Like… everything about this is hilarious and amazing. You are not suave.