Dear Baby Me: March 12 & March 13, 1996

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Dear Journal,
My birthday was great! I geuss I forgot to tell you Greg is back at Awana. He’s a pain in the neck. Oops! Gotta go!
Love Meg

Dear Journal,
Up till now I’ve said little (if anything) about how I feel about homeschooling. Mainly because I haven’t really cared up till now. Things have happened lately that, well I’ll just tell you about it. The first thing was how some of my friends talk about all the friends they have at school and it made me realize how few friends I have. Another thing is going to Awana and Adventure Club. Seeing all these people know each other from school and stuff and they have more friends. But I really realized it today. First we went to this high-school baseball game at 3:30. It was really interesting. But as I sat there watching some of the high-schoolers talking. Well everybody seemed to know everybody else and I felt really lonely. Now I know that’s kind-of silly since they were all high-schoolers and I couldn’t possibly know them all. But I did just the same. Then I went to Adventure Club. Monica’s been bringing one of her friends from school. Her name’s Elizabeth. Ever since she started coming Monica doesn’t pay any attention to me. I think that if I went to school I probably would have more friends. I’m tired of being the only one without friends, the only one who doesn’t go to school. I’m tired of being different! I’d do anything to be able to go to school, anything! But it doesn’t do any good, mom’ll never send me to school. Now to cheer me up, I’ll think about the good points of being homeschooled. 1. I wouldn’t be able to go to Camano Island every week. 2. I would have less time to read. 3. We would have to wait till school was out to take vacation. 4. I would have to get up really early. Actually this is a list of the bad things there would be about going to school. Well, gotta go!
Love Meg

 

Dear Baby Me,

Oh sweetie. You are breaking my heart. You’re right. You’re barely scratching the surface of it, but you’re right. You almost certainly would have more friends if you went to school, you absolutely are different because you don’t. You’ve been isolated and it’s going to take a long time to get past that. And that’s not even getting into the actual quality of your education. But for what it’s worth, you’re going to fight and you’re going to fight very hard. In a few years you are going to have a lot of friends. They may not be great friends, that will take a bit longer, but you’re going to find a way. It’ll be a start. I’m so sorry that you’re having to do this. I swear it will get better. But it’s not fair.

And that leads to my follow-up point. You have a right to be upset about this. Your resilience and attempt to come back from it is sweet and I love you for it but it is okay to be lonely and hurt and upset about this thing. Your reasoning is not good and even you seem to know that. It is okay to be sad. You have that right. You should have had a right to talk to your parents and be heard. You should have had a right to feel emotionally safe enough to come forward with these things, to make a case for why this was not healthy for you. You didn’t and I’m sorry.

I swear to you, kiddo. Things will get better someday.

Love, Me

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