Dear Baby Me: November 19, 1995

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Dear Journal,
I think I’m falling in love with almost every boy I see which includes Jack, Shawn, D.J., and Kyle! Yep, Kyle. And if any of them liked me back I’d be happy. I think D.J. might.
Love Meg

 

Dear Baby Me,

This is obviously a very short entry and I could have gone for the next one but I feel like there’s a lot here and I wanted to examine it.

First, let’s examine your first sentence. I definitely feel like there’s a certain amount of confusion there, which makes sense. As I told you earlier, there was no real way to prepare you for this. And it was confusing to suddenly have feelings for every boy who was remotely attractive. I’m not sure why you were convinced it was love other than normal pop culture influences. Mostly I think that what’s going on here is that you’re just… noticing them. They’re cute and you are for the first time actually noticing that is a thing. Which is totally okay, but perhaps it is not necessary to take it all the way to love territory.

Also, let’s pause for a moment to consider that you still list Jack Kelly (here referred to only as “Jack”) with your list of crushes who are real people. I would say that this seems ridiculous but I remember how much time you spent fantasizing about meeting him and I do remember that somehow it seemed very real. Celebrity crushes are a strange thing.

Also, let’s talk about how “if one of them liked you back you would be happy.” What does that mean to you? I feel like this is so far back I can’t recall now but if I had to guess I’m betting it just means noticing you. Maybe you imagined holding their hand or something, maybe, maybe you allowed yourself to imagine kissing someone, but I feel like probably only Jack because he was safely far away. For the most part I think the primary goal here is attention; that’s what you have discovered you have for boys and that’s what they have for you.

And I guess last but not least, we’ll talk about how you “think D.J. might.” Sigh. This is also going to be a pattern. You are strangely positive of boys feelings for you, with or without any evidence. At some point in your adolescence D.J. may have had feelings for you but right now you are 11 and he is 14. I hope he doesn’t?

Anyway. Life is a curious place and there’s a lot in a few sentences.

Hang in there, kid.

Love, Me

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