I can’t stop thinking about Jack Kelly. When I try not to, it works – for about 1 minute. I want to meet him soo bad. Something in the back of my mind keeps asking me, “What would you do if he wasn’t the Jack Kelly you’ve been thinking of? He couldn’t be you know, no-one’s perfect.” Whatever it is, it’s right. But I can’t stop thinking of him as the perfect Jack Kelly. I know if I met him I’d be terribly dissipointed because no-matter how he tried he could never live up to what I keep thinking he is. Even when I know he isn’t. But I still want to meet him. Oh! I don’t know how I feel! Everythings mixed up!
I can’t stop thinking about Jack. I imagine we meet, become best friends, write letters to each other every month, ect, ect… Would he be a christian? I doubt it. In all my daydreams he is because I want him to be. But in real life it’s unlikely. Even though I know I’d be dissipointed, I still want to meet. I geuss theres no harm in thinking of him as the perfect Jack Kelly since I’ll never meet him anyway. Gosh! That’s just the sort of thought to make me glum. Well gotta go!
Dear Baby Me,
Well. You are adorable and very sad. I hate to point out retroactively that Jack Kelly was not exactly… perfect. He barely communicates with his girlfriend, he is fully planning on just running off and leaving her without even saying goodbye, he is in fact pretty damaged goods in a variety of ways. But you know. You don’t really know what any of that means yet and it’s way too early to try and explain this to you. The best I can tell you is that hormones have struck with a vengeance.
I guess it is nice that you have enough of a grasp of reality left to reassure yourself that no one can be perfect… but I remember this period of time and it is hard to be slipping into relentless daydreaming on a constant basis. I won’t say enjoy it because honestly it’s as much a hassle as it is anything else. But hold on, grit your teeth. This part will at least spread out soon, as you start spreading your affection to other people and don’t have it all focused on just one. Still, for now it kind-of just is what it is.
Sorry, my dear.
Also, is letters every month seriously the best outcome you can imagine? You don’t even like writing letters. You little weirdo.