School and Things

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I totally did write a blog entry for Wednesday but I was dissatisfied by it. I think I could write something better about the same topic but not this week. I’m tired, it’s the first week of school, I already feel like I have a lot of homework to fit in between 20+ hours of work.. whatever. I may see about going back down to two a week. We’ll see how things go.

Today though I want to write about something exciting. I came home from work and there was an envelope on my couch that said Welcome to (insert college here)!  That’s not quite as exciting as it sounds. The college I applied to was a small college that is part of a large college. In order to go where I need to, I have to be accepted by both schools. This was the acceptance letter from the large school. So it’s like… half of the excitement.

Totally exciting though. This is the first time in my life I have ever applied for something other than a job and gotten it. I’ve been having a lot of strange feelings about the whole experience. Every time I express my anxieties to friends or acquaintances, the response is almost identical. They shake their head and say “well, obviously you’ll get in.” I appreciate the support, I do. But it also makes me feel almost more pressure in some ways. What if I don’t? Would everyone be so disappointed in me? Everyone seems so sure, what if they’re wrong? Just an example of how I turn nice things into neurotic things, I suppose.

That said, this makes me feel hopeful. Maybe I do not fail at all the things. Maybe I am a desirable student and schools will want me and stuff. I still feel that my future is somewhat blurry but it seems to be rushing up more quickly than I would have expected. Maybe in a couple years I’ll be making actual money. What a strange thought.

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4 thoughts on “School and Things

  1. Well! I wouldn’t be disappointed at all, but I will try to be like… less like that. It’s just that you always get so nervous and then you end up not just doing ‘okay’ but doing very well. You talk about failing like it is something that you do and it’s just that you usually don’t and honestly at this point it just seems like less and less of a possibility (and sometimes it annoys me because I dunno I actually like don’t do well in school), but the stakes of this are somewhat higher so I will try to be like kinder

    • Well, and I think it’s partly because like I genuinely have no sense with the college thing of like… anything. Like I really don’t understand what my chances are of getting in, I really don’t understand how the system works or if grades are enough or… it’s all kind of confusing to me and it seems like something no one taught me. So it seems like something that could easily jump up to bite me too, if that makes sense? I’m just afraid to get too hopeful. BUT I am getting a little more so.
      Also, I do understand that my constant nerves are obnoxious. I will try to do better at that too. 😛

  2. Yeah, I should also join the camp of not doing that thing. It’s not that I would be disappointed in you for not doing well or getting accepted or otherwise not achieving the thing you’re trying to achieve at that moment. Disappointment wouldn’t happen. It’s just that you’re great and you’ve done so great at school so far and you try your hardest, etc etc etc, that of course I think you’ll do great in all areas! But I get how that puts more pressure on you, I’m the same way about certain things. Maybe I’ll preface my “of course you’ll do well!” with: “and if you don’t that’s okay, everything will be okay, there will be other options and nobody will be mad at you.” 😛

  3. *laughs* Thanks, guys. This was totally not a passive aggressive GEE I WISH MY FRIENDS WHO READ THIS WOULD STOP DOING THIS THING but I appreciate that. 😛 I probably just perceive pressure in everything.
    Hopefully in a day or two everything will be for sure and then there will be no more worries! At least… about this.

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