Well, today I decided to be a grown-up so I feel pretty good about that. I’ve definitely been sort-of lost and spiraling the past few days in particular and the past probably week in general and today I realized there was just shit I had to get done and so I set to doing it. This was partly spurred by getting up and finally checking my college email, as I’ve been meaning to do for literally three weeks now, to see when the deadline was for turning in my application for a diploma so that I could walk in the ceremony thing… only to see that it was yesterday. So I sat there and freaked out about that for a few minutes and was like omg, what the hell is wrong with me, I literally was doing nothing yesterday and could have gone to the college so easily except that moving seemed like way too much work…. anyway, finally I decided I just needed to bite the bullet and call and see how screwed I was. I was about to jump into my explanation of how I was so very sorry that I was so stupid and so on and she just laughed and said, “Eh, don’t worry about it, just turn it in as soon as you can.”
I’m not going to lie, my initial reaction to this was “Does that mean I can wait till Monday?” I would already be close to the school on Monday and it would mean I didn’t have to leave 40 minutes before work. But I decided it was probably much better responsible and safe than sorry and so I get it all printed out and such. Seriously, guys, I’m so dumb. I meant to turn it in during last quarter and I literally just never got around to it. One time I was walking by the office and thought of it but they were out of the forms right then and I figured eh, I’ll just do it later. It’s the easiest form in the world too, it requires like two minutes of effort on my part. Sigh. Anyway.
SO. While I was accomplishing all of the being responsible things (okay, one), I decided to keep going and I called my brand new Obamacare insurance plan. They called me the other day wanting to tell me about all of my important benefits and how much I really needed to go get a physical done and I was busy having a meltdown so I was not really in a good emotional place to talk to them. But I did need to know what they wanted and how to find a provider. I was pretty sure I could figure it out on the website but I am suspecting it’s better safe than sorry with insurance. Also, in somewhat legitimately pressing concerns, I have medications that are going to run out in like… a month and a half? Something like that. And I’m going to need a psychiatrist who will sign off on those meds for me. Because this quarter is going to be a nightmare and literally the only thing I can think of that might make it EVEN BETTER is if I got to go cold turkey off of my psych meds in the middle of it.
So I called the insurance company, which is one of those things I really hate doing. I was thinking today actually, that making phone calls to companies is definitely a thing I thought I would be okay with as a grown-up and what I have actually learned as a grown-up instead is that very few people seem to be okay with that. I wish someone had told me that as a kid. That would have been nice. Anyway. On the phone I found out that apparently, in order to get approval for medications, I have to be a therapy patient. I now have an intake at one of our local clinics scheduled for a few weeks from now. This is… sigh. I have no problem with it in theory? In fact, I had given genuine consideration to going back to therapy all on my own. But I am getting very overwhelmed by the number of things I am supposed to fit into the amount of time I will have over this next ten weeks. I still need to sleep I think so I can’t give that up and there’s just not going to be a lot of wiggle room. So I’m a bit stressed about that.
Anyway. In spite of all those things, I would call today an adult success. Monday I will find a pcp to set up an appointment with, call the gas company to find out why in the world our past due bill (that I never received last month, hence the past due) was almost twice what it was the month before (although truthfully I kind-of suspect they’ll just tell me that it very much sucks to be me and there’s nothing they can do. At least it’s coming down this month so that’s good but it was a poor surprise), and hopefully get my stupid car fixed for however much money that will cost me that I don’t even yet want to think about.
Being a grown up is the single least fun thing ever. On the other hand, I do like feeling accomplished and getting to check off boxes. So I guess there’s a few compensations in everything.