Memorial Services and Family Pretense

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My apologies for a missed day, readers. Everything caught up to me all at the same time and then my car developed some charming new characteristics which will require money to fix and blogging tragically fell by the wayside. I am disappointed in myself but we must press on because that is the thing to do. So, forward march and all of that.

The memorial of my not uncle is this weekend. I’m honestly not sure what to call him. He and my aunt were together for like 10 years so to call him her boyfriend seems ridiculous but he wasn’t her husband. Partner? Lover? Long-time companion? Titles are stupid. He died just before the new year, after being sick for a very long time. I have realized that I probably need to go. My aunt kind-of dropped out of the picture after they got together. My theory is that she knew my mother would be super judgmental about her living in sin with her boyfriend (she was totally correct) and so just cut her off before she got there? But either way, she cut all of us out and our contact has been nothing but weird Christmas interactions where everyone pretends that things are totally normal and that we’ve been talking for the last decade or so and that this is not the only time we see each other every year. Every year she hugs me and tells me she loves me and how much she misses me and how much she wishes I would come down for a weekend. And I say I love her too and certainly, that would be great, feel free to email or call me anytime. Knowing all the while that she never will and that this is just some strange and bizarre game that we play that apparently makes her feel better. It’s confusing and it kind-of grosses me out. But now he’s dead and he was a nice man and I do love her and I don’t think I can not go.

Of course this means I will almost certainly see my parents. Who, despite the fact that they cared very much about my aunt’s “lifestyle choices”, will almost certainly also feel they have to go and we will all play out a whole different and bizarre thing as a family. I am not great at being in my family. I hate the idea of seeing my parents. But it’s not a great choice either way and not going would make me feel insane amounts of guilt. So I’m going and later that night David has said I can come over so that I can remember that oh yeah, there are people who still like me. Because somehow just by existing my parents can still make me forget that.

Also I need to take my car to a mechanic and find out just how much it’s going to cost to make me be able to put it in park again. Best weekend ever!

 

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