I recently was inspired by a couple of random things to go back and start looking through my old journals. I started keeping them when I was 11 and, although I was unable to keep them with a tremendous amount of detail or regularity until the last year or two (when I discovered the amazing http://www.750words.com that basically totally changed my life), I do have a number of books with all sorts of bizarre little tidbits in them. Some of it is funny, some of it is just sad, some of it is super boring. Pretty much without exception it was never as detailed as I wish it had been. My memory of my growing up years is pretty spotty and I wish I had more specifics but hey, you work with what you get.
Anyway, I had this idea and I’m going to run with it for a while. I tend to get unreasonably frustrated with or embarrassed by Baby Me. I expect her to have figured things out way sooner, have been less generally awful, it’s a whole thing. I’ve been trying to be more empathetic towards her for a long time and I’m going to try this partly for that reason. I’m going to start at the beginning, post a journal entry and then I’m going to write back to my younger self. I don’t know if I’ll post every single one. Some of them are pretty dull. Maybe some weeks I’ll post more than one, I’m not really sure. I’ll play with it and see what feels right. This will be my Monday series and we will see how it goes. As a quick note, I will be keeping all spelling and grammar intact. Also the insane amounts of underlining are legit.
So without further ado!
March 27, 1995
Today was a pretty good day, sort-of.
The bad things about it were A. Mom gave you to me. No offense but I don’t like writing. B mom told me I have to write a story about Star Wars. Now I love Star Wars, but it won’t be to easy writing a story about it. The good are A I don’t have any particuler work except school. B Awanas tonight and C I haven’t don’t much but loaf around all day. 🙂
P.S. I’ll put my Star Wars story in your pocket when it’s done so you can read it.
Dear Baby Me,
I find there are so many things I want to tell you already. The first and most important is that, while you may not know it yet, giving you that journal was absolutely the best thing your mom ever did for you. You’re going to learn to love writing in every intense and melodramatic way that a teenager can love writing and then it will eventually level out into a more genuine thing. (That will be true of so many things in your life, so hang on.) The point is that, although I do remember your dismay, I promise this is actually pretty great.
I will also give you the first of many life spoilers and tell you that you will never gain a talent for writing stories. Not about Star Wars or anything else. Sorry to be the one to break it to you. Trust me, I wish it had worked out differently.
Finally, I would like to take the first of what I’m sure will be several moments to gently point out that your journal is not actually a person. You’re never going to write that Star Wars story but even if you did, your journal could not read it. The pocket the journal contains are not magic portals to the journal brain, they’re just supposed to be handy pockets. Try to maintain your hold on reality at least a little bit, okay? It’s going to be important later on.